What’s this feelin’ that I feel,
Unforgivin’ and unreal,
Fillin’ me with sense o’ panic, I can’t cope,
Feelin’ like I cannot breathe,
Underwater, underneath,
Feelin’ like I’m drownin’, outta hope?
I shoulda said to you that I love you.
I love you.

What was I thinkin' of,
I was scared to show my love,
Shoulda told you how I felt about you.
Then I felt my heartbeat skip,
Shoulda grabbed you, kissed your lips,
Let you know what I was goin’ through.
I shoulda said to you that I love you.
I love you.

Was I dumb to think ya might have felt it too?
Thought I saw it in your eyes so blue.
I don’t know what I will do when you are gone,
Disappeared like mornin’ mist into the dawn.

Through the days and weeks and years,
I will suffer through the tears
And regrets until my last and dyin' day.
I shoulda said to you that I love you.
I love you.

Heavenly father, I ain’t so sure you exist sometimes. I mean, I gotta be honest, there’s times when I got my doubts. And even then, if you do exist, I ain’t so sure why you’d care to listen to folks like me, always wantin', always needin' somethin’. I know it’s a selfish thing, prayin’, less you prayin' for others, which is what I’m doin’ now.

Heavenly father, if you up there watchin' and listenin’, d’ya see that boy just now? Yeah, he dumber than a sack o’ hammers, but that ain’t his fault. You the one that made him that way. But I ain’t blamin’ ya. You done good, cuz you also gave him a heart as big as them mountains. And if anyone needs your help, it’s him.

Heavenly father, Poppa says you know everything. So I’m gon’ come clean. I want him, like a biscuit wants gravy. I need him, like a flower needs rain. But most of all, I think I love him, like a pig loves mud. Heavenly father, I beg ya, please watch over him, keep him from harm, and when the time come, please, please please please, I don’t care how you do it, just please bring him back to me. Amen.

And how ‘bout a lightnin’ bolt for Momma?

Words and Music by Jed Bolipata
Performed by Lydia Newman
From a Zoom reading, October 2024